A Simple, Thoughtful Question

It's hard for me to pay for help, let alone ask for favors.

The text came through and I started crying.

“Do you want hangers for the dresses?”

A simple question but a thoughtful one. Summer hangs around late in Indiana and fall comes on fast. While helping the girls put away their laundry yesterday I realized I was looking at a pile of short-sleeved shirts, skirts and bike shorts. So I opened my Target app and ordered some long sleeve dresses, tops, and leggings along with the dish soap, apple sauce packs and butter I needed. Because, Target. A delivery-service shopper managed to find everything I ordered in the correct sizes, something I’m rarely able to do.

I thanked her. And I told her that because I have three kids, one of whom is autistic, going to Target - even curbside pick-up - can be stressful even on a “good” day. What I didn’t tell her is that for years I resisted having groceries and household goods delivered because I felt like I should be able to take care of it myself. That having other people handle the business of my life was embarrassing, an admission of weakness, a failure of will and character.

But as I transitioned this year from having some support during my time with the kids to having almost none, I had to admit that errands that risked ending with one or more members of my family in tears just weren’t worth running. But knowing a thing and feeling a thing are different things. I still feel a lingering shame for not being able to handle everything the right way all the time. But I need help. More help than I’ve had. More help than I have.

Asking if I needed hangers was a simple question but a thoughtful one. A tiny bit of grace extended to someone who has trouble paying other people to do things for him let alone ask for favors or help.

I’m not going to advance the idea that it costs nothing to be kind. The cost is tremendous, especially if you haven’t had enough kindness extended to you or learned how to be kind to yourself. But it’s is a worthy goal.

“Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies - ‘God damn it, you've got to be kind.’” - Kurt Vonnegut